he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
