i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's just like the Real World with babies
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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