Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
