How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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