he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
