That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
