Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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