You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
