Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
