At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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