I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I would ride that face into the sunset
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
