There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
