Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
