One girl and one boy is just not enough.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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