It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
