I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
