I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
