I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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