I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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