whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
