oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
