Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
