your thong is hanging out like whoa
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
