I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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