Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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