when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Houston, we have a squirter
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
