Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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