Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
