i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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