so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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