who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
