don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So many bounce houses so little time
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
