if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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