i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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