My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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