I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
