half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
