Even water is tasting like jack daniels
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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