Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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