how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
