don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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