Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
