my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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