so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
