There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
