you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
