I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
