Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
