When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
