you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
