things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We need to get me chipped asap
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