It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just found puke in my bra..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
