U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
