My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
