I think im going to throw up on grandma
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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