My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
