From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
