Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
