so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
