that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
